In the background to the arguments raised by Dah Dah about Saudi, a really sensible point was raised.
I was diagnosed as suffering from depression several years ago. No detail – at not least yet – but it can be scary, debilitating and frustrating.
What is that The Indelicates said?
“You know you’re too clever to be mentally ill!”
I understand that line. It took me years to accept it and seek help.
In recent weeks I have been forced into a referral to a company doctor. Not because of absence but after a series of dull conversations relating to “poor” performance and my observation that they had never assessed my workload - or the impact of removing 50% of my staffing resource - against my mental health. The whole process I’m going through has made me focus on why my performance is considered “poor”.
The day before I visited Epping Forest I had had an assessment with my GP. I read through all my medical notes dating back five years. They include the infamous “very poor” door punch escapade, a tremor attributed to an unintentional experiment with electricity in my teens and my concussion after an honest, accidental encounter with a different door. But the most telling were the ones detailing my mental state. These were ones where I had regularly found myself close to, or in fits of, tears in front of my GP. The stark reality is that just about all the doctor’s notes drew reference to my workplace and my apparent unhappiness.
The day before I visited Epping Forest I had had an assessment with my GP. I read through all my medical notes dating back five years. They include the infamous “very poor” door punch escapade, a tremor attributed to an unintentional experiment with electricity in my teens and my concussion after an honest, accidental encounter with a different door. But the most telling were the ones detailing my mental state. These were ones where I had regularly found myself close to, or in fits of, tears in front of my GP. The stark reality is that just about all the doctor’s notes drew reference to my workplace and my apparent unhappiness.
The consultation was a real eye opener. My job is destroying me. The structures, the lack of consistency, the lack of direction, a toxic atmosphere, a lack of reward, an absence of recognition and even when you are not “wrong” you are seemingly never as quite “right” as someone else.
Two days after an offer to escape, I was staring at a good reason to jack it all in and have a real change.
Rightly, Dah Dah highlighted the risks of loneliness and isolation in the Middle East on my mental health. This is, was and will be the most compelling reason not to go. But, the opportunity to do something so far outside of my comfort zone could be the best opportunity to find the reason and inspiration to make a proper clean break and change.
Tough…
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